Ninjabetic – Christmas concerns
Christmas is upon us once again and, once again, I’m feeling slightly on edge about the things that I haven’t got round to doing.
Not surprisingly, now that my thoughts are out of my jumbled and overflowing mind, and onto paper, things aren’t as bad as they had seemed.
“I’ll do it tomorrow” or “I’ll think about it on Monday” I keep saying, convincing myself, but no one else, that I actually will complete important tasks, and I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve said that over the last few months.
What I really want, and more importantly what I need, is to start focusing more on my diabetes management and giving it far more time and attention than I have been in order to better understand it.
This last year, diabetes wise, many spanners have been thrown into the works and I feel that I must start a fresh. I desperately wanted to do this before Christmas in order to have a slightly less stressful month and to not have diabetes nagging at me because I haven’t showered it with the affection it seems to be craving… but as usual life has got in the way.
The last few months have been crazy! I feel like my feet haven’t touched the ground and when they finally do I feel that long deep ache that tells me I’ve been on them for far too long (or maybe it’s a sign of neuropathy – let’s hope not!).
What with balancing a brand new, exciting and fast paced nursing placement, working long days and night shifts, getting used to grabbing a bite to eat and testing my blood sugars as and when time permits, as well as travelling to Vancouver, giving presentations and writing essays, diabetes has once again fallen behind and taken a back seat.
Obviously this isn’t where I want it to be; I had hoped for it to be gliding smoothly alongside me for Christmas because, well, I want to enjoy Christmas! I’m sure many others feel that they deserve a very well-earned and enjoyable break too!
I think about all of the wonderful things that December brings; cosy nights in with hot chocolate by the fire place (or in my case a few tea-light candles and an incense burner), the many, many, nights out that I have planned with friends which will be filled with alcohol (let’s not pretend I won’t be indulging in a few cheeky drinks) and followed by a late night stop at whichever fast food shop/van is still open, the fact that my Thai Boxing class has ended for three weeks which means that my three hours a week in the ring has come to a sudden end and, not being a gym bunny, I’m now going to bounce around at home punching and kicking the air which does not have the same calorie burning effect and not forgetting the mouth-watering, indulgent, food glorious food that is available during the run up to Christmas.
I’ve never seen so many cheese selections in my life and I’m incredibly over excited by each and every one of them. The silver lining is that cheese doesn’t affect blood sugars! But all of these lovely things that I have planned, including kicking and punching the air, require planning and preparation… which I am definitely lacking at the moment.
So I’m feeling a little bit anxious about Christmas with diabetes this year and I’ll bet I’m not the only one. As much as I try to smile and get on with things it is harder around this time of year.
There’s a lot to consider, our routines change, we make different choices and diabetes is affected by all of that.
Not only that but my next appointment with my consultant isn’t too far away, meaning my next HbA1c isn’t too far away and the thought of that doesn’t exactly fill me with Christmas joy and cheer.
However, I must remember that there is always a brighter side; so on the flip side, December and Christmas only take up a small portion of the year, meaning there is plenty of time to catch up and get on track.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so hard on myself – after all this has been one hell of a busy time for me and in all honesty, when I take a closer look, I’m actually not doing too badly at all.
So I may not be at the exact point that I want to be, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get there.
Something that I need to remind myself, and something that I often say to others, is not to be too hard on myself for not being perfect.
After all… who is? Another thing to remember is that I am in control. We are all in control. I often forget that it’s okay for me to say no.
I don’t have to be a people pleaser and I’m not being selfish or a Grinch by thinking about myself and what I need. Christmas is a time for sharing, that is true, but when it comes to my diabetes I manage it in a way that suits me and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself for feeling like that.
So take time these holidays to enjoy the things that matter to you and let diabetes work around you.